Chili Pie with Candy-Dipped Raisins And Bubble Gum

This is a fun and festive recipe that will dazzle your friends on Tex Mex night, or whenever you want a widescale pukefest!
Prep time, 30 minutes. Cooking time, three hours.

Ingredients:
1 can Hormel chili, room temperature
1 Keebler chocolate pie crust
2 tsp Crisco
3 tsp WD40
3 packs of Extreme Sour Apple Bubble Yum, chewed
2 lb raisins
1 lb Karo syrup
2 lb maple syrup
1 cup Velveeta cheese
Bacon
Grape jelly to taste

Directions: Combine canned chili, maple syrup and jelly in an old rusty coffee can. Place over sterno and let simmer for an hour and a half. Melt Velveeta and bacon separately in a smelly microwave and add a tablespoon at a time every fifteen minutes. Mix raisins and Karo syrup together and let them sit out in the sun, preferrably on a cigarette-burned picnic table.
Brush pie crust with Crisco and WD40 to get it nice and greasy. Dump all ingredients into the pie crust, cover with gum and microwave for a half an hour.
Let cool for at least 15 minutes before consuming, cuz that shit's gonna be hawt!