Liver Jerky on a stick with Chocolate Pudding, Deep Fried Mothballs and Severe Paranoia

This is sure to be a hit with the sociopaths and elderly! They are soothed by the consistency of the pudding and the smell of the mothballs. Plus, the liver is a callback from The Depression, and that's a happy memory for everyone.
Prep time, 15 minutes. Whole time, your entire life.

Ingredients:
15 lbs of meat, weathered in a motorcycle sidecar for six months
1 box of moth balls
1 box Jello chocolate pudding mix
3 oz vegetable oil
9 lbs constant weight of a terrible familial relationship that makes you feel worthless

Take all of the ingredients, saw them up with a chainsaw, and shove them all onto wooden shish-ka-bob sticks. Set them on the open radiator of your Chevy Impala and wait for the juices to flow. Then dance around to Uriah Heap, drink another Keystone, and pass out in the backseat. The meat will be ready soon.

Fried Egg Ice Cream with Minnow Sauce and Tripe

This is a gross fancy way to end any terrible meal! Make it for people that you hate or if you're just in a bad mood.
Prep time, 10 minutes. Cooking time, six hours.

Ingredients
6 large eggs
3 cups brown sugar
10 cups heavy cream
1 lb butter
12 medium-sized minnows
Big pile o' tripe
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup diced jellybeans

Directions: combine brown sugar and heavy cream in an old bowler hat. Stir it around for a while and shove it in the freezer. After three hours, take it out and then melt the butter to fry up the eggs in a large skillet. When the eggs are semi-charred, chop those suckers up and mix them in with the brown sugar-cream mixture. Let freeze for another two hours, until the whole thing is rock solid.
For the sauce: chop up minnows and tripe and throw into an old bucket. Slowly add the mushroom soup and jelly beans. Then take a blow torch and sort of start it on fire until it's viscous.
Serve the individual scoops of ice cream with liberal globs of minnow sauce. Your dinner guests will never forget it!

Chili Pie with Candy-Dipped Raisins And Bubble Gum

This is a fun and festive recipe that will dazzle your friends on Tex Mex night, or whenever you want a widescale pukefest!
Prep time, 30 minutes. Cooking time, three hours.

Ingredients:
1 can Hormel chili, room temperature
1 Keebler chocolate pie crust
2 tsp Crisco
3 tsp WD40
3 packs of Extreme Sour Apple Bubble Yum, chewed
2 lb raisins
1 lb Karo syrup
2 lb maple syrup
1 cup Velveeta cheese
Bacon
Grape jelly to taste

Directions: Combine canned chili, maple syrup and jelly in an old rusty coffee can. Place over sterno and let simmer for an hour and a half. Melt Velveeta and bacon separately in a smelly microwave and add a tablespoon at a time every fifteen minutes. Mix raisins and Karo syrup together and let them sit out in the sun, preferrably on a cigarette-burned picnic table.
Brush pie crust with Crisco and WD40 to get it nice and greasy. Dump all ingredients into the pie crust, cover with gum and microwave for a half an hour.
Let cool for at least 15 minutes before consuming, cuz that shit's gonna be hawt!