HOW TO MAKE COTTAGE CHEESE: IT'S REALLY GROSS
Cottage cheese should be made using skim milk, because the cream solids don't stay in the curds, it stays with the whey. A gallon of skim milk will make about a pound of cottage cheese. If you are planning to use raw milk, let it set for a while and then skim off the cream to use later in your finished cottage cheese.
You will need a starter to make cottage cheese. You can use a commercial culture, cultured buttermilk, or rennet tablets. I have found that by replacing one cup of the skim milk with one cup of cultured buttermilk and 1/8 of a rennet tablet gives a small curd cottage cheese, leave out the cultured buttermilk and use 1/4 tablet rennet if you prefer large curd cottage cheese. Salt helps to improve the life of the cheese, no to mention the flavor. After the cottage cheese is done, it will have a very acid like taste to it, so you will want to season it with either sour cream or sweet cream. Herbs, fruit or sweeteners can also be added.
Now you will need some equipment to make cottage cheese. First you will need a six to eight quart pot made of stainless steel, enamel or glass. Don't use aluminum! You will need another container, which can be aluminum, a little bigger, to use like a double boiler. Your kitchen sink with a good stopper will work if you don't have a bigger pot. A floating dairy thermometer is the best, but a candy thermometer that will measure 75 to 175 degrees will work. Measuring cups and spoons, a long handled knife and spoon for cutting and stirring. They need to be long enough to reach the bottom of you large non aluminum container. You will also need a storage container to store your cottage cheese in when it is finished. A colander and some cheese cloth to drain you cottage cheese.

Liver Jerky on a stick with Chocolate Pudding, Deep Fried Mothballs and Severe Paranoia

This is sure to be a hit with the sociopaths and elderly! They are soothed by the consistency of the pudding and the smell of the mothballs. Plus, the liver is a callback from The Depression, and that's a happy memory for everyone.
Prep time, 15 minutes. Whole time, your entire life.

Ingredients:
15 lbs of meat, weathered in a motorcycle sidecar for six months
1 box of moth balls
1 box Jello chocolate pudding mix
3 oz vegetable oil
9 lbs constant weight of a terrible familial relationship that makes you feel worthless

Take all of the ingredients, saw them up with a chainsaw, and shove them all onto wooden shish-ka-bob sticks. Set them on the open radiator of your Chevy Impala and wait for the juices to flow. Then dance around to Uriah Heap, drink another Keystone, and pass out in the backseat. The meat will be ready soon.

Fried Egg Ice Cream with Minnow Sauce and Tripe

This is a gross fancy way to end any terrible meal! Make it for people that you hate or if you're just in a bad mood.
Prep time, 10 minutes. Cooking time, six hours.

Ingredients
6 large eggs
3 cups brown sugar
10 cups heavy cream
1 lb butter
12 medium-sized minnows
Big pile o' tripe
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup diced jellybeans

Directions: combine brown sugar and heavy cream in an old bowler hat. Stir it around for a while and shove it in the freezer. After three hours, take it out and then melt the butter to fry up the eggs in a large skillet. When the eggs are semi-charred, chop those suckers up and mix them in with the brown sugar-cream mixture. Let freeze for another two hours, until the whole thing is rock solid.
For the sauce: chop up minnows and tripe and throw into an old bucket. Slowly add the mushroom soup and jelly beans. Then take a blow torch and sort of start it on fire until it's viscous.
Serve the individual scoops of ice cream with liberal globs of minnow sauce. Your dinner guests will never forget it!

Chili Pie with Candy-Dipped Raisins And Bubble Gum

This is a fun and festive recipe that will dazzle your friends on Tex Mex night, or whenever you want a widescale pukefest!
Prep time, 30 minutes. Cooking time, three hours.

Ingredients:
1 can Hormel chili, room temperature
1 Keebler chocolate pie crust
2 tsp Crisco
3 tsp WD40
3 packs of Extreme Sour Apple Bubble Yum, chewed
2 lb raisins
1 lb Karo syrup
2 lb maple syrup
1 cup Velveeta cheese
Bacon
Grape jelly to taste

Directions: Combine canned chili, maple syrup and jelly in an old rusty coffee can. Place over sterno and let simmer for an hour and a half. Melt Velveeta and bacon separately in a smelly microwave and add a tablespoon at a time every fifteen minutes. Mix raisins and Karo syrup together and let them sit out in the sun, preferrably on a cigarette-burned picnic table.
Brush pie crust with Crisco and WD40 to get it nice and greasy. Dump all ingredients into the pie crust, cover with gum and microwave for a half an hour.
Let cool for at least 15 minutes before consuming, cuz that shit's gonna be hawt!